Check out the upstairs windows.

When mom and I were last at the zoo, we saw this chick as we were leaving for the day. A great way to look like a complete idiot is to try and look cute when you’re at a place that requires a buttload of walking. Wearing open-toed, slingback wedges to the Los Angeles zoo is like wearing stiletto heels to an amusement park. You look ridiculous and people are just laughing at you. Or they’re like me, taking a picture so they can mock you on the internet.

This girl is dressed for a luncheon and shopping day with girlfriends, this isn’t what you wear to the zoo unless you actually want your feet to fall off by the end of the day. If you think I’m just being an asshole, you need to understand that the L.A. zoo is almost quite literally entirely uphill. It’s a lot of walking and climbing and stepping around cracked pavement and tree roots and toddlers and women who think their stroller is a battering ram, you have to wear sensible shoes. I bet you this lady also wears sandals to the beach and then complains about all the sand in her shoes.

Mom and I watched this sea lion happily swimming around the pool, then got a surprise when he (she?) came to the surface and snorted at us! What a funny way to get more air, any closer and we would’ve been sprayed with sea lion snot.

The area where the crocodiles are kept is currently closed. They’re going to be tearing it down and finally rebuilding a Reptile House. It’ll be smaller than the old one, but it’ll be easier to navigate so there won’t be as many lost children wandering around inside. I hope they’ll keep the signs that say “Please don’t tap on the glass. Where will you run if it breaks?”

There’s this sculpture garden located at the La Brea Tar Pits, I think it actually has a name but I can’t find anything about it on Google. Honestly, the sculptures are all pretty lame, the most interesting part about them all is they’re big. This one in particular turns when the wind pushes it, it’s fun to watch for about three seconds.

There isn’t a fence around it, but there’s a short wall, and then a small gap between the wall and actual sculpture. The wall has a bunch of signs that, of course, ask you not to walk on the sculpture. As mom and I were leaving the area, this woman and her kid stand next to it and the kid walks right over the wall and starts frolicking about as the mother sits on the ground. As I pass the mother, I try to stay polite as I say “Ma’am, your kid’s not allowed on th…oh, you’re on your phone. Way to be a great mother, you fucking idiot.”

I couldn’t help myself, I turned around and snapped a photo of the kid walking around. I wanted to get the mother in the shot too, but I couldn’t get them both in the shot from where I was standing, and I couldn’t move because the path is narrow.

Let’s get a closeup of the daughter’s face, shall we?

You can see the fear in her face, she totally knew I’d be mocking her on the internet.

And I thought my mother dressed me funny as a child. At least my shoes fit, and I’m pretty sure I matched most of the time.

Tucked into the corner of a strip-mall in West L.A is a store that sells the best raspberries I’ve ever tasted in this city. Stan’s Produce, where Stan himself is always behind the register. The poor guy tried retiring and people for miles around fell at his feet and begged him to stay, so he came back.